Relationships and vulnerability. (Wednesday, 22 July 2015)

I met up with Racheal today to study and watch Antman. Movie was great, spoiler alert: Anna Akana makes an awesome cameo near the end.

Youtuber, movie maker, overall awesome beautiful person. I fangirled. I got home and I started watching some of her old videos again. She has an aerial hoop that makes a few appearances in her videos, and she does a bit of aerial from time to time. And by the way, a lyra is one of the sexiest things a woman can own. I first came across this art form a year or so ago from a lady I look up to and respect, and I wish I could do aerial hoops if it'd suited me better. The thing about my gender is that sometimes I'm feminine and care a lot about my femininity, and sometimes I really don't give a fuck. They're all phases I go through and it slides back and forth. Anyway.

Lyra is hot, both Anna and Kalel do it. Hell, Kalel even knows the art of pole dancing. Also hot, but not as much. Then I went back to watch old Wulas videos where Kalel was still with Anthony and was doing those sexy feminine hobbies and she was fit and had two cute cats and had her shit together. Kalel back then was one of my role models when it came to being fit and clean and neat and all those stuff. And I miss watching Anthony and Kalel being together in those blogs. They were adorable.

I'm just turned 17 and I still haven't been in a legitimate relationship, which is fine. But at this age and with this much sexual activity, clearly I've been thinking a lot about it. I'm still planning to just que sera sera everything, because going outside and looking for someone to love you back really is just going to end up in disappointment. At the same time, I'm shit at flirting, sexting and even knowing if someone actually likes me. So probably not anytime soon.

Speaking of exploring sexualities and a healthy amount of sexual activity, I've started to be more open with paraphilia. I don't hide things anymore, but neither do I rub them in people's faces. I did introduce Racheal to bdsm dirty talk and fantasy scene audios, and all I can say is that she needs to know that this is real life and Christian Grey does not exist. Recently I've come across this new paraphilia that I've come across but have yet to explore, and I think I want to learn more about it. In no way am I aroused by it, I'm just interested in any paraphilia that is popular enough to hold an entire community. It's just interesting. I'm not going to talk about much here, because paranoia and all. But if you're close to me and you're comfortable with such topics, I assure you that I will bring it up someday.