My social life.

Remember how I keep talking about envy? I suppose I'm a really envious person. And my envy for others is one reason why I decided that I would 'meet new people' during my first year in NYP. I see a lot of people with social lives and the thought of attending a beach party or a pool party or any party at all is just weirdly appealing, in a relaxed kind of way. I enjoy people and I enjoy the vibe of company. But I've come to realise that interacting with a large group of people is not my forte.

Whenever I tell someone that I genuinely enjoy my own company and I love being alone, they look at me like I'm a fucking psycho. But I do. I go for hour long walks at night on my own, I can't sleep without spending time alone with myself first, and I love running errands alone because it gives me a reason to get out of the house and spend some time 'alone'. What I mean by that, is that you could be surrounded by people but still be alone. Because you're not interacting with anyone or connecting with them on a deeper social level. And I find that very calming somehow.

But this isn't good for the portfolio/future résumé that I'm trying to beautify. I'm guessing that NYPSUJC is only recruiting extroverts with their own definition of leadership. I'm most definitely not an extrovert, and neither do I have charisma.  It's something I don't have much of. Knowing me, if I have something about myself I want to improve, I'll go find a way to do it and get it done. But do I want to be more charismatic? Yeah, sure. It'll make it easier to make friends, I think. But charismatic is something I'm not, and I treasure that fact sometimes. Do I want to change that? Who knows.