You know, as much as I stand by the fact that the phrase 'Jack of all trades, master of none' is missing out the 'but better than a master of one' part, I'm still not satisfied with myself.
I've come to realize that I really am a perfectionist through and through. I hate it when things go wrong and I can't fix it. I spend extra time and effort making sure everything is perfect. Just last Friday I was doing a set of review questions for programming, and I got 10/15 right. But no, I wasn't about to just leave it at that and go about with my academic life. I needed the 15/15. The teacher suggested that while it was a multiple attempts review test, the system would only take the first score. But I still went ahead and didn't stop until I got my perfect score anyway.
I like to think that this somehow relates to my frustration that I'm not 100% good at anything. I can knit, kinda. I can play music, kinda. I know music theory, kinda. I can cook, take photos, code, journal, analyze people's minds for fun- but these are merely just things I'm interested in, know a bit of, and never got anywhere with it. What's ironic is that I specialize in neither self-hatred nor self-love.
And yet all I do is complain about it. <-- Justification of my self-hatred
No comments:
Post a Comment