Empowering af. (Wednesday, 17 June 2015)

Connor Franta and Hannah Hart have really been a great source of inspiration these days. They talked about just going for it and living life to it's fullest. Challenging yourself to do something you're terrified of. Also, Joey Graceffa taught me that my friends and I should be challenging each other to grow as a person. And friends have their own lives to live, so maybe they're not there 24/7 and you have different schedules, so learn to enjoy your own company and be your own friend. Challenge yourself to grow.

So today I went out. Alone. It was terrifying at first, but it turned out to be really interesting. While waiting for the train I texted my friend for a bit which helped, because it made me feel a bit less alone. It was a good start to this personal challenge. I also had earpieces plugged in, switching in between Radical Face and Oh Wonder (recommended by Connor Franta).

First I brought a bottle of water to my Mom who was working part-time (temporarily) in retail. It was weird carrying the bottle around because it didn't fit in my bag. Yes, things as tiny and insignificant as this can affect me. I got on the train and this asshole wearing an incredibly misogynistic shirt walked in. My jaw nearly dropped. I was shocked and offended. I really wanted to walk up to him and give him a good talk, but lol not happening, I was getting off soon and well, this is Singapore. No one will probably stand by you and support you.

I like to hide in toilets when I need to stop and do something. And so I did, deleting my files from some 3Ds games before I went to sell them for $13 each. I figured I shouldn't bargain for more. He was probably just a regular staff member there and besides, I'm desperate for financial stability and those games were shit anyway. I carried on my little journey, with a few random bursts of anxiety here and there as I went to the cooler parts of Singapore where all the cool kids hang out. Whatever, I saw some hot/cute people here and there. I bought a shirt for like $13 because it was a 'special price' item and I had extra 10% member's discount. Thanks Mom. The staff member was really friendly too, which made things better.

It was at this point where I realized I had the ultimate freedom of going anywhere I wanted and going home at any time. It was at this point where I realized how empowering it was. I felt brave and proud of myself. I then started my mission to find some birthday gifts for my Mom, and came across incredibly tempting items on great sales. Damn you SG50 50% discounts. Because even though those precious items were at half-price, they were still above $7 and I felt like I couldn't afford it. Plus, I'd just sold my 3Ds games and I didn't want to spend that money so soon. Anyway. That freedom that I'd felt took over, and I thought about that one video I watched that encouraged viewers to go outside alone and visit places like parks, beaches, cinemas and museums. And so I headed over to the museum. It was really nice and fun, and I even wrote a letter for my Mom at the Leading Ladies exhibit since everyone else was doing it. Again, being alone gave me that freedom to write that letter. I didn't have to ask my company to do it with me or if he/she could wait for me while I wrote it. It was great.

At the end of it all, I'm slightly disappointed I didn't meet anyone or make any new friends because damn I'm thirsty. For anyone, really. But all in all, the experience was awesome. To be able to leave the house just to spend the day alone was really, really empowering and it was also proof to myself that I can overcome that laziness and do something productive and healthy for myself.

Do it.