Envy.

I like stalking people online. I promise I'm not creepy. It only ever stalk when I envy someone. I've stalked many celebrities before, but this time it's someone that I've actually met before. A previous band conductor.

I envy all profesional musicians, really. Even the guys who guided us during the Chinese Music workshop. I admired them for being the younger generation to appreciate Chinese Music. But this conductor- I envied him the most among the other conductors because he plays the French Horn too :D So I did my stalking, found a flickr account and OH WOW HE'S LIVING MY DREAM LIFE.

He has amazing photography skills and badass cameras, he travels to really awesome places, and music for a living. Seriously. And I thought my dream life was impossible to achieve.

Recently I've been upset, disappointed with myself because I've been such a failure at life. This was not where I thought I'd end up. I have huge ambitions and dreams but all I did was dream. I don't even know anymore. Maybe the doctor will at least clear up the smoky parts of my life. But today I've found out that my dreams are possible. Yay.

(I'm starting to regret dropping Music O Levels but then again I probably wouldn't have survived anyways)