An ideal future.

I just remembered why I quit Music Os. I'd decided to just take music as a hobby while I did other things. Jeremy was the one who inspired me to do that. (Also I can't even handle how cheesy it is that I get influenced by celebrities so easily.) Jeremy also took music as a hobby because he knows he probably won't make it far... Same with me. Playing in a band is somewhat overwhelming for me. And at the same time, I'm not being 'exceptional' as a solo guitarist. I play the guitar to entertain myself. And if others enjoy it, then yay. But there are so many better guitarists out there. I don't exactly enjoy listening to the professionals play, because I get too upset with myself that I'm so far behind their standard. It's childish, I know.

Still, I think I've had it pretty much figured out now. All I want is to entertain. To serve. To make someone smile. To make someone's day. It may or may not be stupid, but whenever someone does something small for me, it makes my entire day. Like if someone goes, "have a nice day!" I'll say, "thanks, you too" but what I'm really thinking is, "oh hey thanks! I will! You go and live a great life ahead!" Yeah. And one time, a girl offered to share an umbrella with me even though it was only drizzling. I was so happy that I posted about that story on every single one of my social media accounts. Yeah. Is that bad? :P

Invisible.

I do actually have this invisibility power. But I'm only ever noticeable when I mess up.

First off, I'm unrecognizable. Now you see me, and (whoops I let my hair down) now you don't. Not even joking- I actually physically stalked someone using that method and it worked. Kinda. Not exactly to my advantage since that caused this whole shitstorm.

Also, my face changes really quickly. Once I nearly got stuck in Thailand just because my face didn't look like my passport photo. And my family members with dementia- I'll be the first one they forget. My friends whom I love- they'll never think of me again. (except for that one hella awesome friend that I've had for like a decade or so)

I try to use all this to my advantage. Hopefully one day I can just disappear from the world. Living anonymously. No one thinking about you. No one being disappointed in you. But noooooo. It's impossible with today's technology. There are eyes everywhere.

This is where things get dangerous. My mind starts to wander off... 

"If only I could live forever... A million lifetimes to do everything."

"What if I died and this could all be possible? I could roam the world being healthy and whole, never feeling tired, Jesus being with me all the time..."

Yes, doctor. This is where I get 'suicidal' thoughts. But I can never be sure. So I'll just stay alive and see what happens.

Envy.

I like stalking people online. I promise I'm not creepy. It only ever stalk when I envy someone. I've stalked many celebrities before, but this time it's someone that I've actually met before. A previous band conductor.

I envy all profesional musicians, really. Even the guys who guided us during the Chinese Music workshop. I admired them for being the younger generation to appreciate Chinese Music. But this conductor- I envied him the most among the other conductors because he plays the French Horn too :D So I did my stalking, found a flickr account and OH WOW HE'S LIVING MY DREAM LIFE.

He has amazing photography skills and badass cameras, he travels to really awesome places, and music for a living. Seriously. And I thought my dream life was impossible to achieve.

Recently I've been upset, disappointed with myself because I've been such a failure at life. This was not where I thought I'd end up. I have huge ambitions and dreams but all I did was dream. I don't even know anymore. Maybe the doctor will at least clear up the smoky parts of my life. But today I've found out that my dreams are possible. Yay.

(I'm starting to regret dropping Music O Levels but then again I probably wouldn't have survived anyways)

Happy Resurrection Sunday! (Happy Easter)

Hei there ;) Today we celebrate- pretty much everything we have.

Because Jesus laid down His life for us, we can have everything we now have. Health, wholeness, life, righteousness…

By His stripes, we are healed.

We are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.

As He is, so are we in this world.

In Jesus' name.

God is no longer angry with you. No matter what you did. No matter how much you've sinned. Repentance doesn't save. Jesus saves. You don't need to be a really good person to come to church. The church is meant for us as sinners, to be cleaned by the blood of Jesus Christ. Just like how you don't clean yourself before you take a shower. You shower because you're dirty; you come to church because you've sinned.

Check this out: By one man's sin, we have all become sinners. But now, by one Man's obedience… ;)

As He is, so are we in this world.

Local YouTubers.

I just stumbled upon some Singaporean YouTubers on the 'recommended for you' page, not sure why. Saw a decent title, clicked on it and BAM. Typical Singaporean-style youtube video, unoriginal and too hey-look-i-can-be-a-famous-youtuber. Don't get me wrong, I love Singapore but not exactly proud of our people. But the thing is, this guy's subscribers passed a whole bunch of other (better) YouTubers, also not sure why. I mean, congratulations man, but I'm gonna guess you're one of those hyper and energetic popular people who pretend their anti-social just so your viewers can 'relate' to you, then you go on to get your 283 friends on Facebook to subscribe to you. *shrugs* I honestly would not be surprised.

Legitimate, legendary people of YouTube started making videos because they were genuinely bored. These people are trying to make it big on YouTube so they can make money out of it and become internet famous. A mini celebrity. I'm just a little upset about this because I feel that YouTube has lost it's identity and authenticity; being a place where people are desperate for money and fame.

Then again, these are just my opinions and also my personal blog… Oh well.