The things role models don't teach you about.

After three long weeks of waiting, Ant and Dec's book finally arrive.

I'm only a chapter or so in, and as the first autobiography I've read, it's really good. But reading about these people that you admire and look up to, who usually have pretty great relationships with their parents, is a little tough when you put the book down and go back to a home that doesn't really feel like home anymore.

No one really talks about it because anyone who does is usually deemed unpopular, but if you think about it, there's no real reason as to why that person should be judged that way. I'm sure every child wants a good or at least decent relationship with their parents, but everyone has flaws and everyone makes mistakes, so what if your parents have made a really big one? They're allowed to make those mistakes, we can all understand, but maybe more of us can also try to understand that their children might've lost some respect for them. No matter who you look up to, who your role model is, if they've made a mistake, losing respect for them is still something that happens.

So I went back and watched Joey Graceffa's Draw My Life video again, because I remembered that he had (or has idk) an alcoholic mother, and he'd lost some respect for her. No one really tells you how to deal with these things, even my psychologist just told me to ignore everything. Yes, Ms Psychologist, it's a hard thing to do, but at the same time it's not something I might even consider doing. And yet these adults (and their brainwashed children) judge us for being rebellious and disrespectful. I don't hate my Mom through and through, I just strongly disagree with many of the things that she does, and sometimes when she doesn't quite understand what I'm trying to say, I tend to raise my voice a little. Then again, so does she.

It's not something that can easily be fixed. But at least listen to our side of the story for a change.

Their names are Ant and Dec.

...I need to stop being interested in men over 35 years. This is starting to feel creepy ._.

Well there. Familiar faces, you feel like you see them everywhere- they're hosts of Britain's Got Talent and a whole bunch of other shows. Except everyone else who's not in the UK just dismisses them off as, well, 'those guys from Britain's Got Talent'.

Recently I've realized why the UK loves them so much. Not gonna go on about why they're so perfect and everything- I just really admire their friendship. I've many great friends, not really, I just keep a few hella good ones. But even these hella good friendships that I have will probably never be comparable to what Ant and Dec have. Like damn. Aside from that, they've made me that much more interested in what goes on in the entertainment industry.

So I've bought their book Ooh! What a Lovely Pair (great title lol not) and have eagerly waited three weeks for it to arrive.

Aaanyway. Graham Norton.

Great show, hilarious host, celebrity guests suddenly have a sense of humour.

I'll never get used to watching a TV host get interviewed; he's usually the one interviewing other people. But today, I somehow stumbled across a video and realized that he's written an autobiography too- called The Life and Loves of a He Devil. I looked it up, it's $30+ (in SGD), so I had to do a little more research on whether it'd actually be worth the money (I'm pretty much broke at this point).

I watched mainly videos of Graham Norton talking about the book and trying to promote it, and from there I stumbled across another video of him starring in an episode of Who Do You Think You Are (another great show- looking into celebrity family trees I think), and watching him talk about his love and relationship with his home country Ireland. I doubt most celebrities would talk about that, so that was interesting to hear. Also, unlike Ellen Degeneres, I don't think Graham Norton talks about his own opinions or life stories on his show a lot. So it'd be nice to get his book and read about him for a change.

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I've realized that I'm a pretty artsy person. I appreciate it, but like everyone of my friends who feel the same way, we all know that we can't go anywhere in life trying to find a career in arts. It's really sad, but it's the truth. Which is why I made the appeal to go from Visual Design to Business Enterprise IT. It's pathetic. I may have to give up my dreams on psychology, even. We'll see how things go in poly.

September update.

So, I got pills to stop me from feeling so shitty.

Today's been extra shitty. And I think I just spent half an hour trying to bore my brother to death so he can stop staring at my screen. I hate everything and everyone right now. I hate the people singing in my Spotify playlist. I. Hate. Everything.

Fuck.

Addicted to the beach.

So here's where I currently am.

The first time I realized that I really love the sea/beach was when I got to appreciate this.

I would like to thank the Coriolis effect for doing its job. Man this feels amazing. I would also like to thank spotify for the wide variety of super cool music.

I never want to leave.

Mr Jeremy Renner.

Clint Barton, Hawkeye, Billy Brandt...

I was once obsessed with this man and I genuinely have no idea why. Then again I was also once obsessed with Ricky Gervais, so I suppose Jeremy isn't as bad/weird. No offense, Ricky. He tweeted me once. He was nice.

Yeah. I mean, I had my reasons for liking these two celebrities, but clearly it was never because of their looks (again, I'm terribly sorry). Anyway.

So Jeremy Renner finally joined social media. @Renner4real for both Twitter and Instagram. And I'm very happy for him.

If you don't already know, I like to think of myself as a wonderful online stalker. Not in a creepy way. I'm just pretty good and finding out information about a person. I promise it's not as creepy as it sounds. And once I have an interest in a celebrity, I go online and read all about them. Clearly, I read about Jeremy Renner.

From what I gathered (please, please, please, correct me if I'm wrong), aside from the (somewhat) usual hobbies like building houses and doing music, he likes to study religion, criminology and martial arts. He has a dark sense of humor. He went through a lot of shit and a possible shitstorm. And the lovely Scarlett Johansson changed him. They were my otp for a while. Basically, I was very intrigued by him, and his past.

I hate myself for digging into a shitty past of someone's life especially when they're probably trying to forget about it and leave it alone. But to me, it's very interesting to an extent. Because it shows how much shit you've survived. How much it changed you, how it possibly made you a horrible person for one small part of your life, and how you became a better person afterwards. Hurt people hurt people.

And although my deduction skills are the worst ever, I've gathered that Jeremy's shitstorm made him rather introverted for a while. He was pretty quiet and very uninterested during interviews. I get how they can be insanely tedious but it's a little odd for an actor to lack that much effort. (Again, no offense.) And I think Scarlett Johansson played a pretty huge part in getting him out of his shitty self. (I like to think that actors usually associate well with their characters.) And finally, you can usually tell a lot of stuff from a person's eyes. I'm not very good at hiding that.

So good for you, Renner. Congratulations on staying strong and surviving. Congratulations on your career. Congratulations on your life.

A lonely adventure.

So I got out the train two stations early. And I've decided to just walk to my destination instead of get back into the train. And I'm taking a route I've never taken before. 

I'm also listening to random Radical Face songs on spotify, and looking at my map just incase. This is pretty fun.

An annoyed young adult.

So that's how I'm feeling today. Right now. Its a very lazy Saturday afternoon where all the adults in this house are asleep, my brother is lazing around on the floor playing with ants or something, and I've decided to lie on a mattress to write this- because my grandmother is on my bed. And I hate it when anyone is in my room for no reason, needless to say on my bed. Oh well.

I'm done with my schoolwork for today, I'm feeling a little physically uncomfortable because its so hot and it is also currently shark week. Tmi? Still. I hate wasting my weekends away. They're very precious to me, considering the fact that I've started to really hate weekdays.  I suppose I'll be really mature and go read up on a few stuff, while I listen to Radical Face and try to feel better.

Bye now.