Not welcomed anywhere.

Sense of belonging is really important to me. It's the reason why I'm one hell of a patriotic Singaporean and why I (or at least used to) see myself as a decently loyal person. It's why I love all the communities on Tumblr. Why I love fandoms.

A little touchy and personal, but I don't feel like I belong in my own family. I feel like a fucking lone wolf. Both sides of the extended family hate me, and immediate family members like to fuck around with me and my feelings. As soon as I let my guard down, something reminds me to let it back up and trust no one. I have severe trust issues.

I leave a social group as soon as I get any of the slightest hints that I don't belong and they hate me. It's uncomfortable. The fact that I have no secure sense of belonging makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't belong anywhere. I suppose this is insecurity. And I hate it. As much as I enjoy my own company, I hate not having a home to go back to.

I don't belong anywhere. For now.